WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR EMOTIONAL COMPETENCE

Do you know how to deal with your frustrations? Can you work under pressure? Can you delay gratification? Do you follow through on your plans? Do you take responsibility for what you do or do you blame others if you fail? Do you give up when things get too hard, or do you follow through on the plans you have set?

“The ability to understand one self and others and to get along with people is vital for success in school, work and life.” Your College Experience: John N. Gardner and Betsy O. Barefoot

In improving your emotional competencies you’ll have to be honest with yourself. Being emotionally competent means having a holistic view of your reaction to different situations in your daily life, as you’ll become more aware of yourself and also be better at understanding others as well. Having a holistic view means to be aware of your personal competencies and your social competencies. That is, self and social awareness and self and relationship management.

When we understand who we are, we are better able to cope with life’s pressures and demands.

Being emotionally intelligent you’ll be able to recognize your emotions and their effects. Having that awareness means knowing your strengths and weaknesses, which will help with how you approach life in general. By knowing how to manage yourself you’ll eventually have a stronger sense of self-worth. Being emotionally competent on a social level allows you to be more empathetic with others as you’ll have some sense and awareness of their feelings, their needs and their concerns. An emotional intelligent person will be more inclined to give a more desirable response that will foster the development in others.

“Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business.” —Norman Vincent Peale

Remember in life things change. Can you adapt?

These are some practical ways that you can improve your emotional competence i.e. become emotionally intelligent:

Identify your strengths and weaknesses 

Make regular checks on your progress 

Pay attention to how you behave 

Respond to the current situations, rather than reacting to them  

Observe the feelings you are having 

View each situation with an open mind 

Empathize with yourself and others.....

Article adopted from one of my Inspirational writers who is my mentor...

Www.mosesnjoroge.blogspot.com

REASONS WHY I WRITE OR BLOG

“I write to find strength.
I write to become the person that hides inside me.
I write to light the way through the darkness for others.
I write to be seen and heard.
I write to be near those I love.
I write by accident, promptings, purposefully and anywhere there is paper.
I write because my heart speaks a different language that someone needs to hear.
I write past the embarrassment of exposure.
I write because hypocrisy doesn’t need answers, rather it needs questions to heal.
I write myself out of nightmares.
I write because I am nostalgic, romantic and demand happy endings.
I write to remember.
I write knowing conversations don’t always take place.
I write because speaking can’t be reread.
I write to sooth a mind that races.
I write because you can play on the page like a child left alone in the sand.
I write because my emotions belong to the moon; high tide, low tide.
I write knowing I will fall on my words, but no one will say it was for very long.
I write because I want to paint the world the way I see love should be.
I write to provide a legacy.
I write to make sense out of senselessness.
I write knowing I will be killed by my own words, stabbed by critics, crucified by both misunderstanding and understanding.
I write for the haters, the lovers, the lonely, the brokenhearted and the dreamers.
I write because one day someone will tell me that my emotions were not a waste of time.
I write because God loves stories.
I write because one day I will be gone, but what I believed and felt will live on.”



More on www.mosesnjoroge.blogspot.com or on Facebook @MOSES Njoroge 

Use your words as building blocks not battering rams.

Use your words as building blocks not battering rams.

Every word you say will have an affect on others. Positive words will encourage and strengthen other people, but negative words will tear down and harm them. You must decide whether to speak positively or negatively. Please understand that speaking positively requires a deliberate decision, whereas speaking negatively comes easily—for it is human nature. Therefore, actively strive to speak positive and encouraging words to others.

It is no surprise that the Bible instructs us to say beneficial things about others: "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen" (Ephesians 4:29). Furthermore, Colossians 4:6 says, "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt ..." Speaking positive, uplifting words is extremely important. Indeed, Proverbs 25:11 says,"A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver."

In Psalm 19:14, David prays, "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer." David clearly knew the importance of words, and so he prayed that he would speak words that were pleasing to God.

We must deliberately choose to speak positive words; otherwise, we will instinctively complain and be negative—for that is human nature. Thus, it is no surprise that Ecclesiastes 5:2 tells us, "Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few." Similarly, Proverbs 10:19 says, "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise." Usually when you "hold" your tongue, you'll catch yourself before you say nasty things about others and cut them down with your words.

Lastly, it is important to understand that whatever you say is a reflection of your heart attitude. Matthew 12:34 says, "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks" (also see Luke 6:45). In other words, your words are simply an overflow of what's in your heart. If you think poorly about others, you'll speak poorly about them. On the other hand, if you think positively about others, as the Bible instructs us to, then you'll speak positively about them.

Since words carry power, make a decision to use your words as building blocks not battering rams.

7 Practical Things To Do When You Feel Challenged

   

  

 

“A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.” – Unknown

 

Life is not all about the successes. Life is going to present us with challenges and sometimes they are going to feel as if they are unbearable or there is no way out. Never forget, where there is a will there is away. However, not everyone handles challenges the same way, but what I know is that we all want to be singing the victory song at the end of a stormy season. Well, that’s what I want, and believe me, there is no way to be victorious acting like victims. Furthermore, you never want to be running away from the challenges you are faced with in your life. Here are seven practical things you can do when you feel challenged:

• Think before you act – Sometimes during challenging situations we act without thinking because we are so eager to get pass the challenging moments. Without thinking we sometimes put ourselves in a deeper bind.
• Take a moment to breath and relax – It is wise to take a moment to step back in order for you to can get clarity and also to get a more objective view of your situation.
• Get outside support – No matter how optimistic you are there are going to be times when the journey seems unbearable and you are going to need a sounding board or just someone to listen.
• Don’t blame others for your current situation – We have to take 100% responsibility of our lives, and in fact, blaming in itself will keep you stuck. Being stuck is not the feeling you want to enhance when you are challenged, so therefore don’t blame others for where you are.
• Accept the changes in life – We cannot stop change and accepting it will lessen the pressure of feeling bogged down. Change is a good thing. It makes us think outside the box.
• Look for the opportunity to grow – As it has been said, in every difficulty or challenge there is an equal or greater opportunity. 
• Don’t give up – Don’t let a challenge make you forget why you started on your quest in the first place, and by all means savor the success you attain along the way.

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7 essential things that we must confront if we want to create in our lives the things we want and deserve

Having the tools to succeed in life is not enough.

You may have been going to seminars, reading the books, watching positive videos and may still experience the same set of life pitfalls that come from your own doings. I still have things that I need to confront, but what I do is choose one of them to address at a time to ensure that I have the shift in perception. In fact, what I have come to understand is that we will not be able to change a 7 essential things that we must confront if we want to create in our lives the things we want and deservenything that we aren’t willing to confront. The truth of the matter is we have to be willing to be honest with ourselves. Being dishonest with yourself will prevent you from having what you deserve in life. With that being said, if there is something in your life that’s affecting your productivity or progress you’ll have to address it even if it makes you feel uncomfortable in the beginning. That feeling too shall past. So, to change the paradigm of any repeated events or feelings in our lives we have to address them in order for us to make the progress that is indeed possible. 

These are 7 essential things that we must confront if we want to create in our lives the things we want and deserve.

We have to confront our fears – Once we face the thing we fear the fear of that thing disappears. You can start by believing in yourself, but you must confront your fears to go past your fears.

We have to confront toxic relationships – If you keep allowing someone to zap your energy, it’s your fault. Feel free to talk about how the relationship is affecting your own disposition in life and don’t feel bad about doing so.

We have to confront our own bad habits – We are creatures of habit and like me, you may have some bad ones that have been embedded through repetition and has prevented progress. One such bad habit is procrastination.

We need to confront the excuses we tell ourselves – If we keep finding excuses for why we don’t take action on what we want in life, there is no way it is going to be done. In fact, excusesare lies we tell ourselves. 

We have to confront our own doubts and disbelief – You’ll never get where you want to go if you don’t believe it is possible. I want you to ask yourself, what are you constantly telling yourself you cannot do, be or have? Then, rephrase it in a positive way and repeat it daily until it becomes true to you. 

We have to confront our own criticism – If you constantly talk bad about yourself on how you are not capable, not worthy, not beautiful enough or it won’t happen for me because of my social status, and the list goes on, then you’re not going to make the progress that you deserve. Sometimes we criticize ourselves because we are comparing ourselves, but we all are unique and must live out our own individuality. 

We need to confront how we spend our time – if you constantly complain that the day is finished without completing what you wanted to get done, you should start prioritizing the things you want to get done and then stick to your list. 

We must be willing to confront that which we want to change.

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Mourning?

I’m learning that just because you feel or wrestle with something once doesn’t mean you’ll never do so again. Most people experience several recurring feelings and questions as they grieve, sometimes as if it’s for the first time. As C. S. Lewis observed after losing his wife, “For in grief nothing ‘stays put.’ One keeps on emerging from a phase, but it always recurs. Round and round. Everything repeats.”

As crazy as it makes me feel sometimes, I’m learning that I need to mourn. According to Jesus, comfort awaits the griever (Matthew 5:4). I’m learning that leaning into the pain of loss opens me up to lean on God and others for comfort.

Finally, I’m learning that Paul was right when he wrote that Christians grieve with hope. For it’s the hope of seeing our loved ones again when Jesus returns that helps to make bitter loss bearable (1 Thessalonians 4:13-17).

WAITING TRIES OUR FAITH

Surely I am coming quickly. —Revelation 22:20

In a German prison camp in World War II, undiscovered by the guards, some Americans built a homemade radio. One day news came that the German high command had surrendered, ending the war. Because of a communications breakdown, however, the guards did not yet know this. As word spread among the prisoners, a loud celebration broke out. For 3 days, they sang, waved at guards, and shared jokes over meals. On the fourth day, they awoke to find that all the Germans had fled. Their waiting had come to an end.

A number of Bible stories center on waiting: Abraham waiting for a child (Gen. 12–21). The Israelites waiting for deliverance from Egypt. Prophets waiting for the fulfillment of their own predictions. The disciples waiting for Jesus to act like the powerful Messiah they anticipated. Jesus’ final words at the end of Revelation are “I am coming quickly,” followed by an urgent, echoing prayer, “Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus!” (22:20). For this, we still wait.

Here’s the question I ask myself: As we wait, why are we so often fearful and anxious? We can, like the Allied prisoners, act on the good news we say we believe. What is faith in God, after all, but believing in advance what will only make sense in reverse?

Faith looks beyond the shadow

Of dread and doubt and fear

And finds the Savior waiting

And always standing near. 

Waiting tries our faith and so we wait in hope.

#MosesToday

WHEN THE CHURCH IS NO LONGER IS A PEACEFUL PLACE..

 

“CHURCH IS NOT A PLACE WHERE HEALTHY PEOPLE ARE” ITS WHERE BROKEN HEARTED PEOPLE GO TO BE ENCOURAGED, ITS WHERE THE UNHEALTHY GO TRUSTING THAT THEY WILL BE HEALED BY FAITH.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THIS PLACE THAT IS EXPECTED TO BE A REFUGE TURNS TO BE THE ONE THAT KILLS, DISCOURAGES GOSSIP HATE AND ALL THE EVILS YOU CAN THINK OF.

WE ARE ALL IN THE HOSPITAL OF GRACE TOGETHER.

WE ARE NOT DOCTORS .Its only that we have been around the hospital for long enough and that somehow we know our way out we know where the kitchen is, where the dinning is., which  doctor has what size of needles .

There fore in any way we are never in a good position to judge other brother and sisters.

When this feeling gets you, you feel so very  like you are being crucified.

 

Being crucified by fellow Christians is one of the deepest pains a child of God will ever Know. It can so profoundly affect you that it can mark the end of your life as a practicing Christian.

There is no Limit to the effect a crucifixion can have on your life. it could possibly leave you lame for the rest of our life, its destructive following you throughout your life and on your grave.

On the other hand it can affect you positively – so that when you re-emerge, you are almost a totally different person.

I personally have noted that a crucifixion among ministers can destroy not only the man/woman but his ministry, in totality. Many a servant of God has seen his reputation destroyed with the event  following him all his/her life, altering not only his life forever limiting his/her ministry..SADLY FOR SOME IT DESTROYS EVERYTHING.

Of course such wreckage is not confined to ministers as this can be the LOT OF ANY BELIEVER.

This can be said with certainty whether the end result is positive or negative either way the destruction is VAST.

“NO ONE HAS BEEN ADEQUATELY PREPARED FOR THE ODEAL OF THE CRUCIFICATION”

But the main Question you have to deal with has to do with healing, Does it Not?

The matter of the full restitution from out of a deep deep hurt.

Strangely enough it is not the actual crucifixion that causes the greatest destruction. It is the aftermath which devastates even more. Mark my words “for all who have been crucified there is an aftermath”.

You are presently in that very aftermath. Where than do you go for the needed healing?

Your first recoverly step is to deal with that very person responsible for your crucifixion.

 

I will continue sharing in all my blogs this odeal of being crucified by your fellow belivers. I have more than once been a victim of being crucified but what matters a lot is how I have dealt with the aftermath. THE BAD NEWS IS THAT ITS NOT EASY BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT I HAVE OVERCOME AND I AM SURE YOU WILL OVWERCOME TOO.

AS I BLOG THIS ARTICLE I KNOW A FRIEND OF MINE WHO RIGHT NOW IS GOING THROUGH A VERY HARD TIME BECAUSE WHERE SHE EXPECTED LOVE SHE GOT HATE,WHERE SHE EXPECTED ACCEPTANCE SHE GOT A NEGLET, WHERE SHE EXPETED A GODLY COUNSEL SHE GOT TO BE GOSSIPED INSTEAD WHAT A SHAME….

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WHAT MAKES A TRUE LEADER!!!

 

 ‘The leadership we need’.

 All over Africa when you ask people what our problem is, they will tell you it is leadership yet we don’t seem to be conquering it.

First we need to define what and who a leader is and who the leader is not. There is a strong difference between being a leader and being an office holder. Many people who scramble and lobby for certain offices today are doing so because they have this illusion that when they occupy the office somehow they will become leaders.  The truth is that if you are not a leader before you occupy the office, the office does not have the capacity to make a leader out of you. At best you will be an office holder.

A leader is someone that sets the pace. A leader is someone you can follow to a place that you know not. A leader is a person who can paint a picture of the future that will cause intelligent men and women to leave their present in pursuance of that future.  A leader is a person who can see what has not yet been made manifest and who can hear words that have not yet been spoken and who can turn them into a desire and a passion in the hearts of others. A leader expresses in words the thoughts in the hearts of others.

True leadership must be transformative in nature. They must be able to move the organization or nation or whatever entity it is from the egg to the butterfly and not just rotate them around as eggs. True leadership takes people from one form to another. As a young man living in Nigeria politicians campaigned with the promise to build roads, provide schools and ensure the stability of electricity. Forty years later and about nine presidents later, the politicians are still campaigning with the same promises. That shows that a society that has moved around in the same form without experiencing transformation. As a Nigerian that is a painful reality.

True leaders are drivers of transformation. Around Africa we see a lot of political office holders with no retirement plans. This is simply because they have no compelling vision of a future out of office. Now that is scary because transformation starts on a personal level. If they are unable to lead themselves from one form of their lives to another how then do we expect them to lead an entity like a nation effectively? Many of them though in high offices are prisoners because if your vision of tomorrow is not stronger than your comfort of today you will remain a prisoner of today.
Africans have a king and kingdom mentality where there is a strong king and weak followers. We believe in leaders leading followers but true leadership is when leaders lead leaders. I have called this the 3L Leadership Model (Leaders Leading Leaders).  It is a model where everyone is built to become leaders.

No individual was made to be weak. In the battle between the lion and the shark terrain determines the outcome. True leaders help their team members discover their terrain of strength and help move them from unconscious incompetence through conscious incompetence past unconscious competence to conscious competence.  Winston Churchill ascribed his success to the fact that he surrounded himself with people more intelligent than him. The folly of many indigenous African organizations (including churches) is that they are built around a strong vision bearer and weak followers. The strength of a vision is determined by the quality of its subscribers. Getting people more intelligent than you to submit themselves to your vision one remarkable trait of a leader.  There is no joy in being the brightest among fools or being the most learned amongst the ignorant. True leadership builds strong personal brands.

True leaders are people of faith. They are not scared to be different. They do not shy away from trouble. They stand for what they believe even if it is not popular. Like the eagle they do not back off from the storm. They are able to mount up and fly above the clouds. They are not defined by their office. They are defined by their faith and vision. Nelson Mandela’s definition does not come from the fact that he was president of South Africa. His personal brand is bigger than the office. True leaders do not need the office to be defined. They bring definition to the office.

True leadership does not rule by intimidation or coercion but by inspiration. True leaders point you to your greatness. They reveal yourself to you. True leaders point you to your potential and not always reminding you of their own strengths or position. True leaders make you see the man in the boy and the giant in the man. True leadership opens your eyes to the fact that though you may be jobless right now, there is an employer inside you. Though you may be squatting with someone right now, there is a landlord inside you. True leaders remind you that like Mandela, though you may be a prisoner of some sorts, there is a president and a great statesman inside you.
Are you looking for the next great African leader? Look in the mirror. That leader will be staring back at you.
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If you want positive change, surround yourself with positive people.

If you want positive change, surround yourself with positive people. 


The people around you affect your personal success. For one thing, you don’t want to be around people who are negative and jealous of everything you do. That type of environment puts hold on your advancement.

“Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher.” Oprah Winfrey

How important is your personal success? Are the people around you supporting your vision? If they care about you and your success, they should. Are they encouraging you? If they are not encouraging you, they could be dragging you back. Don’t forget that the people you surround yourself with are going to affect your personal success.


“You cannot change the people around you, but you can change the people that you choose to be around you.”

Therefore, it is imperative that the people you choose to be around are adding value to your life. Moreover, what you have to know is that you cannot force people to do what they don’t want to do. You on the other hand have to know what is important to you. Also, some people will only believe after your success is visible to the eyes, but because you have believed before you see. For that, you want to surround yourself with others who believe into the vision. Are those around you believed with you? It is important!

more of these Kind of Nuggets on www.njorogemoses.wordpess.com or www.mosesnjoroge.blogspot.com or on Twitter @sesmoyd or on linkedin as Moses Njoroge

AFRICAN GENERATIONAL LEADERSHIP AND PURPOSE

Just when I am talking and writing about mentoring the next generation President Obama is hosting 500 young people from Africa who are going through a leadership program in the United States. How good for the young people. I am sure it will be an experience of a lifetime. How sad for us as a people. While we are playing politics with every single thing, while we are building our empires and while we are majoring on minors and minoring on majors the next generation is being shaped right under our nose. The future is being shaped alright but not by us. Well, in a way maybe it’s a good thing. If they were left to us they will be very well shaped in accusations and counter accusations, in division and divisive techniques, in service to self above Nation among other things. The greatest gift we can give to the future is to prepare for it by inspiring and instructing its leaders aright. 

Generational failure is when children born to a generation have to fight the same battles that their fathers fought. When I was young, what were the issues my father’s generation had to fight when they were in government? They had to deal with power supply, they had to deal with roads, they had to deal with tribalism and they had to contend with politics being a distraction to governance rather than being a vehicle for governance. What do we have to deal with today across the continent? The exact same things. This leaves us with a very scary conclusion. The generation of my father’s father (Born in the late 1800’s and early 1900’s) which is the generation that fought for independence succeeded in their generational purpose. 

They got independence. The generation of my father (Born in the 1930’s and 1940’s) – the generation whose generational purpose was to build on the gains of independence and take us into the promised land of prosperity as a continent have failed us. The result is that our generation has to carryover their failure. We are the generation that should have taken the continent into the age of discoveries, inventions and thought leadership and adventures but we are not able to move because we are simply repeating the cycle of our fathers. 

We are living in an environment created by the failure of the fathers. However, the fact that one generation failed does not mean that we inherit their failure. In fact, while generational failure is when we have to fight those battles, the problem comes to our generation when we choose not to see beyond what the fathers saw. A dear friend of mine defined civilization as the art of living up to the resources of our time. Let us take just

 one aspect of the resources of our time – Information and communication. More than ever before we can communicate with speed and precision. We can reach many people at the touch of a button. While these resources could have been used to build a united continent, build thought leaders and used as instrument of mentoring, we use them as instruments of division to continue to fight battles we never started. This gets me scared because when I look at the resources of our time, there is no reason why we should fight the battles of our fathers unless of course we are faced with a very chilling reality that we are the most uncivilized generation of Africans. 

Our forefathers were civilized because they used their spears as best as could be used in their time. Are we on the way to becoming another failed generation that will not execute its generational purpose? When growth outside us is faster than the changes going on within us then progress cannot take place. When our thinking is frozen in the philosophies of our fathers then we cannot maximize the resources of our time because we cannot operate a digital era with analogue thinking. And, the reality is that if we continue like this, then the next generation of African leaders some of whom are now being mentored in America will have their loyalties well spelt out. The future belongs to those who mentor the present. - 

-Article adopted from a Kenyan local daily.

Follow me on Facebook @moses Njoroge

On twitter @sesmoyd or www.mosesnjoroge.blogspot.com or www.njorogemoses.wordpress.com

Just when I am talking and writing about mentoring the next generation President Obama is hosting 500 young people from Africa who are going through a leadership program in the United States. How good for the young people. I am sure it will be an experience of a lifetime. How sad for us as a people. While we are playing politics with every single thing, while we are building our empires and while we are majoring on minors and minoring on majors the next generation is being shaped right under our nose. The future is being shaped alright but not by us. Well, in a way maybe it’s a good thing. If they were left to us they will be very well shaped in accusations and counter accusations, in division and divisive techniques, in service to self above Nation among other things. The greatest gift we can give to the future is to prepare for it by inspiring and instructing its leaders aright. 

Generational failure is when children born to a generation have to fight the same battles that their fathers fought. When I was young, what were the issues my father’s generation had to fight when they were in government? They had to deal with power supply, they had to deal with roads, they had to deal with tribalism and they had to contend with politics being a distraction to governance rather than being a vehicle for governance. What do we have to deal with today across the continent? The exact same things. This leaves us with a very scary conclusion. The generation of my father’s father (Born in the late 1800’s and early 1900’s) which is the generation that fought for independence succeeded in their generational purpose. 

They got independence. The generation of my father (Born in the 1930’s and 1940’s) – the generation whose generational purpose was to build on the gains of independence and take us into the promised land of prosperity as a continent have failed us. The result is that our generation has to carryover their failure. We are the generation that should have taken the continent into the age of discoveries, inventions and thought leadership and adventures but we are not able to move because we are simply repeating the cycle of our fathers. 

We are living in an environment created by the failure of the fathers. However, the fact that one generation failed does not mean that we inherit their failure. In fact, while generational failure is when we have to fight those battles, the problem comes to our generation when we choose not to see beyond what the fathers saw. A dear friend of mine defined civilization as the art of living up to the resources of our time. Let us take just

 one aspect of the resources of our time – Information and communication. More than ever before we can communicate with speed and precision. We can reach many people at the touch of a button. While these resources could have been used to build a united continent, build thought leaders and used as instrument of mentoring, we use them as instruments of division to continue to fight battles we never started. This gets me scared because when I look at the resources of our time, there is no reason why we should fight the battles of our fathers unless of course we are faced with a very chilling reality that we are the most uncivilized generation of Africans. 

Our forefathers were civilized because they used their spears as best as could be used in their time. Are we on the way to becoming another failed generation that will not execute its generational purpose? When growth outside us is faster than the changes going on within us then progress cannot take place. When our thinking is frozen in the philosophies of our fathers then we cannot maximize the resources of our time because we cannot operate a digital era with analogue thinking. And, the reality is that if we continue like this, then the next generation of African leaders some of whom are now being mentored in America will have their loyalties well spelt out. The future belongs to those who mentor the present. - 

-Article adopted from a Kenyan local daily.

Follow me on Facebook @moses Njoroge

On twitter @sesmoyd or www.mosesnjoroge.blogspot.com

Or www NJOROGEmoses.wordpress.com